"Give me poison! That's all I want" Mum cried out.
"If you take poison, I will too" teased grandma.
"No, God forbid mum. I just want to die. I'm in a lot of pain" says mum.
Oh Grandma, even in the toughest times you manage to stir a sense of inner guilt rather than providing consolment, comfort and compassion. But, who am I to judge? At-least you could utter some words without shedding tears. What's the problem with crying anyway? My family culture seems to view tears in a negative light. A sign of weakness. On the few occasions that I've cried publicly, my aunt playfully teased "I thought you were stronger than that" and my dad with concern asked "are you okay, you didn't seem too good yesterday?"
I'm beginning to understand the problem with tears in my family. Tears, pain and suffering are sisters of the same family. The big T causes pain for others to see. One tear that flows down my face is like a fire that burns a building. Skilled firemen jump to the rescue with their water hoses and soon enough, the fire is out and building saved. But members of my family are unprepared for the "rescue", for they fight fire with fire, fear with tear, reacting to tears by bringing their own which only ignite the fire within. Who said I needed rescuing anyway?
Grandma seems convinced that a sacrificial offering is the best suited method for the rescue mission. Yes, mum, we know you want to die, but you must endure through the pain so that you can save us from suffering. For if you take the poison, we will take it too, and you don't want us to suffer now do you? My sister and I would disagree. Rather individualistic, we would rather drown mum in drugs as to ensure a painless journey as possible rather than watch her in agony.
In my family, if any one of us cries, others will follow suit but by withholding our tears, others are save from suffering. Non-crying is an act for the greater common good in the side of the world, a coptic orthodox household in Cairo Egypt. Them Vs. I. There, I resolved the puzzle. Individuals in my family do not cry in public in order to remain strong not for themselves but for the family. A stark hidden difference between individualistic and collectivist family cultures. I wish they could understand that I don't need rescuing. Only, then would I be able try cry in peace, without shame or guilt.
"If you take poison, I will too" teased grandma.
"No, God forbid mum. I just want to die. I'm in a lot of pain" says mum.
Oh Grandma, even in the toughest times you manage to stir a sense of inner guilt rather than providing consolment, comfort and compassion. But, who am I to judge? At-least you could utter some words without shedding tears. What's the problem with crying anyway? My family culture seems to view tears in a negative light. A sign of weakness. On the few occasions that I've cried publicly, my aunt playfully teased "I thought you were stronger than that" and my dad with concern asked "are you okay, you didn't seem too good yesterday?"
I'm beginning to understand the problem with tears in my family. Tears, pain and suffering are sisters of the same family. The big T causes pain for others to see. One tear that flows down my face is like a fire that burns a building. Skilled firemen jump to the rescue with their water hoses and soon enough, the fire is out and building saved. But members of my family are unprepared for the "rescue", for they fight fire with fire, fear with tear, reacting to tears by bringing their own which only ignite the fire within. Who said I needed rescuing anyway?
Grandma seems convinced that a sacrificial offering is the best suited method for the rescue mission. Yes, mum, we know you want to die, but you must endure through the pain so that you can save us from suffering. For if you take the poison, we will take it too, and you don't want us to suffer now do you? My sister and I would disagree. Rather individualistic, we would rather drown mum in drugs as to ensure a painless journey as possible rather than watch her in agony.
In my family, if any one of us cries, others will follow suit but by withholding our tears, others are save from suffering. Non-crying is an act for the greater common good in the side of the world, a coptic orthodox household in Cairo Egypt. Them Vs. I. There, I resolved the puzzle. Individuals in my family do not cry in public in order to remain strong not for themselves but for the family. A stark hidden difference between individualistic and collectivist family cultures. I wish they could understand that I don't need rescuing. Only, then would I be able try cry in peace, without shame or guilt.
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